- Albert (Discworld) (Wikipedia)
Albert (originally known as Alberto Malich), Death’s manservant, butler, and cook, was once a wizard and founder of Unseen University; he attempted to gain immortality by reciting the Rite of AshkEnte (a ritual to summon Death) backwards, believing this would force Death to stay away from him. Instead it brought him directly to Death’s Domain. Since time in Death’s Domain does not flow in the same way as it does on the Discworld, Albert succeeded, in a way, in gaining immortality. Before he returned to the world in Mort, “Albert” had 91 days, three hours and five minutes of time left on the Disc, most of which he spent shopping and using the soap and baths at the “Young Men’s Reformed Cultist of the Ichor-God-Bel-Shamharoth’s Association” (Death is not very good at plumbing). After Soul Music, he had only a few seconds left, and could no longer leave Death’s Domain. Albert was a highly idiosyncratic cook, who believed everything needed to be fried to get rid of the germs, including porridge.