George Carlin

George Carlin (Wikipedia) George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, and social critic. Regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comedians of all time, he was dubbed “the dean of counterculture comedians”. He was known for his black comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and taboo subjects. His “seven dirty words” routine was central to the 1978 United States Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 5–4 decision affirmed the government’s power to censor indecent material on public airwaves.
Hansel and Gretel discovered the ginger bread house about 45 minutes after they discovered the mushrooms. George Carlin, Toledo Window Box (1974)
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Carlin on Campus (1984)
I, George Carlin, being of sound mind, do not wish, upon my demise, to be buried or cremated. I wish to be BLOWN UP. George Carlin, Last Words (2009)
In the bullshit department, a businessman can’t hold a candle to a clergyman. George Carlin, You Are All Diseased
It’s a big club and you ain’t in it. George Carlin, Life Is Worth Losing (2005)
It’s called the American Dream, ‘cause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Life Is Worth Losing (2005)
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don’t have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you’d make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people [snaps fingers] just like that! George Carlin, What Am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)